Twelve: The Space Between Us, Daddy Issues, and Appreciating the Wonders in Our Own Backyard

Oh boy. I plead very guilty to initially hoping that The Space Between Us might be a decent enough YA-targeted film. It has a number of vaguely interesting elements that might have been strung together to make a vaguely interesting movie, or, say, one that was better than the last Nicolas Sparks movie I had the misfortune to see. Space features Mars colonization, a baby born on a space shuttle, daddy issues, a young romance, a few homages/direct references to the classic Wim Wenders film Wings of Desire, commentary on the American foster system, and, obviously, Gary Oldman. Also worth noting is this film has NO ties to any YA literature– this is not an adaptation of the latest sci fi dystopian love triangle best seller, it’s 100% original material. This must be remarked upon because almost nothing in this quagmire of nonsense feels original or true or even passably sweet.

FakeSpeedyHamster-max-1mb
Sorry for all the negative space, Gary.
  • The Space Between Us’s ranking on the Oldometer: 2/10
  • Gary Oldman character quality: Gary is Nathaniel Shepard, CEO of some kind of corporation that is responsible for putting together the very first team of Mars colonizers. He has some kind of brain benign tumor thing which does not interfere with his life on earth but may cause his brain to explode if he were to venture into outer space. This is much to his chagrin, because he looooves space sooooo much. He’s got the hots for space! He wants to marry it. Anyway. Gary’s fine here, he does his best to blend into this bizarrely bland story. The screentime spent on Nathaniel is the most interesting by far, but his appearance in this hogwash is another mystery I’m out to unravel.
  • Does Gary die in this one? No, but I wish for his sake that he had.

Continue reading “Twelve: The Space Between Us, Daddy Issues, and Appreciating the Wonders in Our Own Backyard”

Advertisements

Four: Criminal, Limitations of Independence, and Personal Growth

maxresdefault

I went to go see Criminal last week on a Friday afternoon, by myself. Admittedly, 4:45PM is not necessarily when the big crowds roll in, but it still counts as the weekend, so I was surprised to find that I had the theatre all to myself. I knew the movie had pretty much bombed on its opening weekend (the death knell for all wide releases), but it’s still a big action movie with a bunch of familiar faces, so the completely empty seats seemed undeserved. Well, not so fast– Criminal is not a good movie.

  • Criminal’s ranking on the Oldometer: 3/10
  • Gary Oldman character quality: Quaker Wells is probably the lamest character Gary has ever saddled himself with. I don’t know if 80% of him ended up on the cutting room floor or something, but the final product that is Quaker is the most nonsensical part of this movie, and that’s saying ALOT.
  • Does Gary die in this one? No. That would have given him too much to do.

It’s not a BAD movie, either, for the record. It has a coherent narrative and I wouldn’t say it’s convoluted in the way that some recent thrillers have been, but despite some nice work here and there from Kevin Costner (though even that’s been contested– maybe if he didn’t grunt so much), as a depraved man (named Jericho) with the empathetic part of his brain missing until he receives a memory transplant from Dead Ryan Reynolds, Gal Godot (with not much to do, though she does what she can– also, she’s stunning),  and whoever this movie’s editor was, this one is a pretty lame excuse for a popcorn flick. I don’t require my action movies to reach great emotional depths or to have incredibly involving storylines, but I do hope for something I haven’t seen 10 times before. And maybe a character or two that give me reasons to root for them. In this film’s defense, though, the thriller is a genre that has been phased out in the past 15 years or so since its heyday in the 90’s, and, strangely, the only thriller hero we seem to accept these days is Liam Neeson, and more power to him, but I digress.

liam
Oh Liam. Nothing like a little reminder of Episode I to keep you humble, hm?

Continue reading “Four: Criminal, Limitations of Independence, and Personal Growth”